DARREN MAIN

HIV and Stress Management

Darren Main — Thu, 17 May 2012 05:27:08 +0000

Reprinted from The Los Angeles Wave
by Leiloni De Gruy

Living with HIV or AIDS can be an unyielding source of stress that is not easily handled alone. It takes support, activism and a strong determination to not only survive, but thrive with a disease that takes a heavy mental, physical and emotional toll.

In previous installments of this series, we examined how matters of nutrition and spirituality affect the health of those with HIV/AIDS patients. Among patients and their advocates, however, there is also a focus on their internal lives — and how stress management affects their lives and treatment.

Precious Jackson, a treatment adherence advocate, contracted HIV 14 years ago. Around 1996, she began dating a coworker. “I remember when we started dating, asking him had he ever taken a HIV test because I knew that I was negative. He had taken two, he said. One came back positive and the other one came back negative.”

She said a “red flag” went off, but “I wasn’t paying attention to my intuition. I wanted to be in a relationship and he was my type of dude.” And because one was allegedly positive, “I didn’t bother to enforce it before we took it to the next level. I introduced condoms into the relationship and he immediately told me that he doesn’t like using condoms. And because I wanted to be in a relationship with him, we didn’t.”

They were in a relationship for a year-and-a-half, and another incident came up where he attempted to donate blood. He informed Jackson that the blood bank wanted him to return because there was something wrong.

“When he told me that, intuition popped in again and I was like, ‘There is something going on, there is a possibility that he could be HIV-positive. But, I was scared and I didn’t want to know because the only thing I knew then about HIV was that you die. I didn’t want to die.”

Not long after, he was incarcerated and the news was confirmed via letter. She went to get tested, and it came back positive. “I was devastated, of course,” she said. “I thought women such as myself don’t acquire HIV because I am heterosexual, an African-American woman, have never done drugs, never was promiscuous. The only thing I did was get in a relationship and trust this man who I loved to be honest with me.”

At first, she said life was very stressful. She was depressed. And although she did not reduce herself to staying in bed, mentally she battled with having the virus. “I couldn’t believe this was happening to me,” she said.

Things turned around in 2000 when she participated in a support group at Women Alive. By the following year, she was an employee, going from a peer advocate to a treatment advocate to a treatment adherence coordinator.

Yet, the news kept coming. Last year, she found out that her ex had known he was HIV-positive long before they began dating.

“I’ll tell you how good God is. Forgiveness is always good because if I hadn’t forgiven that man it would have been on,” she said. “I was upset. But the work that I am doing now is fulfilling because once I had accepted the virus I made a vow to myself and God that I would tell my story so that another woman, particularly Black women, wouldn’t have to walk in the same shoes I’m walking in. If I can save a life, then my work is not in vein. It’s rewarding to be able to give back.”

Now very active, the treatment adherence coordinator also holds educational workshops where she tells her story to at-risk women, educates them about the virus, addresses risk factors, incorporates self-esteem building components and reminds them to “follow their intuition, because that’s God leading us out of danger.”

Darryl Hendrix, who has been HIV-positive for 22 years, is a seemingly spirited guy with so much vibrancy. His warm smile and outgoing personality draws you in. But it took time, therapy and being involved in social networks.

During his interview with The Wave, Hendrix spoke lightly and briefly about his past, and at one point laughed, saying “you’re trying to get me back to that bad place.”

It was a place he would rather forget. However, five years ago when featured in AIDS Project Los Angeles’ annual report it was a different story. He relived memories that haunted him.

For a year, his family was unaware that he had been diagnosed with HIV after enrolling in a research study at County-USC Medical Center. They were seeking qualified candidates to test an experimental drug aimed at treating high blood pressure.

No more than three weeks in, a nurse pulls him into a room where she informs him that he cannot participate in the study because he was HIV-positive. The news was devastating. At the time, he was a 31-year-old married father of two. He was also gay.

“Even though I kept quiet, my family suspected,” he told APLA. “When I was young, my dad called me a ‘homo.’ It was the worst insult I could think of.” And when his peers would use such words, he unleashed his frustration out on them because, “I couldn’t hit my dad, but I could hit them.”

In an attempt to hide his sexuality, he married at 19 and had children. But throughout, he privately engaged with other men. He said leading the double life was causing his stress to mount and his blood pressure to skyrocket, which led him to apply for the study that eventually led to his status being revealed.

When he finally mustered up the nerve to then unveil the news to his family — his mother’s health was failing and he wanted to come clean — tragedy struck. The next afternoon, his mother passed away.

Hendrix said he believed it was his fault. His body could not stand the compounding stress, and weeks later he attempted suicide twice. When that didn’t work, he turned to cocaine. It wrecked havoc on his body, and he eventually suffered a stroke.

At the behest of a nurse at the hospital where he was taken, Hendrix began seeing a therapist at APLA’s Pacific Center, which is a program composed of licensed marriage and family therapists who offer free weekly psychotherapy sessions.

He was able to get clean, and as a result he was able to obtain subsidized housing. An APLA housing case manager helped him locate a Hollywood apartment.

It was therapy, support groups, accessing resources at APLA and using his voice to tell his story and prevent others from taking his path that have allowed him to keep going on.

Today, Hendrix still has some blindness and his face is slightly drooped as a result of his stroke. But his relationship with his family — including his ex-wife and children — has blossomed. “I’m happy,” he said. “I’m alive.”

LaVera Anom, who has been HIV-positive for a decade, found out she was infected when she went for a pregnancy exam. She was out of the country and had just gotten married to her husband in his native Nigeria. While there, she began experiencing pregnancy complications, which caused her to be admitted into the hospital for several weeks. Once healthy enough to take a flight back to the states, it was no more than 48 hours that her feet were on American soil before she was back in the hospital again. She had placenta previa, where the placenta grows in the lowest part of the uterus and covers all or part of the opening of the cervix.

Since they had been conducting tests, a nurse asked if she would like to take an AIDS test. She consented, and two weeks later she received the call of her life. Anom thought there were complications with her fetus, but when they sent her to the infectious disease clinic she knew something was gravely wrong.

“A lot and nothing,” she said of what went through her mind. “The initial thing was ‘OK, what now?’”

After answering questions, the nurse informed her that she had symptoms of the virus, “but because the symptoms of HIV and some of your routine illnesses are so close I was being treated for a year-and-a-half for different things. No one thought to ask me if I wanted or needed an HIV test because I hadn’t been sexually active in two years. The last partner I had before my husband was the one who infected me.”

She was “shocked,” she said. “I started crying as I sat there because it really hit me.” Thinking back, Anom said she had a fungal infection underneath her breasts that was difficult to get rid of, recurring sinus infections, she began to develop allergies, her eczema flared up, and two big lumps had developed behind both ears.

“No one caught it,” she added, noting that her viral load had more than tripled. “My immune system had been damaging for a while.”

Initially it was closed topic and Anom would not discuss it with anyone, not even her family. “I just took my medicine and took myself to the doctor,” she said. “I still lived my life as though I wasn’t HIV positive even though I was taking medication every day for it. I was living in the house by myself and I still hid my medicine even though no was here but myself and my son.”

Anom shielded herself from the outside world, but in doing so she fell into a huge bout of depression. “I cried every day for the first two years of knowing that I was HIV positive,” she said, noting that her tears began Sept. 10, 2004 and lasted until May 2006.

On a doctor’s appointment, she met a woman with a granddaughter who had been prenatally infected. The woman asked her to join the Los Angeles Family AIDS Network, and Anom ignored the request several times, until 2006. However, “what made me stop crying is that I went to a conference put on by AIDS Alliance for Children, Youth and Families. … I had an opportunity to meet a whole lot of people. The whole two bottom floors were filled with people like me from all over the world. From there, I didn’t cry anymore.”

It still took some easing into. “I still wouldn’t receive services,” she added. That is until APLA got a hold of her. As part of completing her bachelor degree, Anom took an internship with the organization — she didn’t tell them she was HIV positive. She was referring people to food banks and assisting them with housing, both things she so desperately needed. Anom had enough and chose to open up to the staff. Her needs were met, and it was the first step to becoming active.

Since then, Anom has continued to work with APLA, attend AIDS walks and participate in forums around the world. She said she still suffers from depression, takes anti-depressants, sees a therapist and finds it difficult to get out of bed in the mornings and be in social settings. But when she is with people like herself and voicing her story and potentially saving the lives of those at risk, she “feel[s] alive” and regains a spark that often seems lost.

These were stories of tragedy that turned into hope, but still “too many today are living with this disease that are isolated and are alone because they can’t disclose or don’t feel comfortable disclosing to their families,” said Jackson.

This reporting was undertaken as part of The California Endowment Health Journalism Fellowships, a program of USC’s Annenberg School for Communication & Journalism.

Feline Yoga

Darren Main — Thu, 10 May 2012 00:26:46 +0000

“I fell many times…. I got back up.”

Darren Main — Sat, 05 May 2012 21:03:09 +0000

This video is for every person that has ever told me that they were to ____________ (stiff, old, fat, injured etc) to do yoga and for all my students who once believed they couldn’t do yoga and proved themselves wrong! Thanks Arthur for being my guru today.

Diamond Dallas Page Yoga

How the Drunken Monkey Sabotages My Yoga Practice

Darren Main — Wed, 02 May 2012 21:18:24 +0000

By Mel Johnson • LortonPatch

Anyone who’s adopted a practice—yoga, dieting, running, weight-lifting or a weekly poker game knows the monkey mind. This is the concept: Come across someone who does what you do, only better, and then the chatter begins.

“Wow. I could do that,” I tell myself.

And I try. And fail. And I quit. The monkey in my brain is now also on my back—attacking my self esteem.

In Awe of the Gurus

It’s been two weeks since the New York Yoga Journal Conference and both my yoga and meditation practice have spiraled down the crapper. Aren’t these sorts of events supposed to be inspiring?

With yoga rock stars like David Swenson, Leslie Kaminoff, Gary Kraftsow and Ana Forrest at my fingertips I glided around the convention grinning from ear-to-ear. I mean David Swenson? Are you kidding? He was one of three extremely awesome yogis who inspired me to begin my yoga practice over 12 years ago! And I finally get to take classes, and a picture, with him.

I felt like Wayne and Garth in front of Alice Cooper (“I’m not worthy!”). The funny part—Swenson was totally approachable and utterly human, which made him even more of a badass. And then I came home. To my yoga mat. And my inner teacher. Yikes.

Back to Yoga Earth

As soon as I got home I trashed my yoga practice just like a frustrated architect scraps blueprints. After being in the presence of yoga greatness I felt like a clumsy oaf. Does it matter that every class I took at the convention opened yoga doors? Like being able to “fly” from downward dog to a forward bend without my feet landing like boulders? Like “floating” from downward dog to a freaking handstand?

Hello? No! Because as soon as I returned to familiar territory—home and mat—my neurotic monkey mind slammed every yoga door shut.

“Back to the basics,” my brain quipped. “You’ve got a lot of work to do.”

And then I got busy. I moved from the suburbs into town. My online yoga project consumed me. I stopped meditating because “I’m not far enough along in my yoga practice.” I resorted to 15 minutes of sun salutations that eventually tapered off into long hikes.

I even went to the gym because I told myself my “core” isn’t strong enough. Even though David Swenson told me not to focus on my core. Have you seen his “core”? Why wouldn’t I listen to thatguy? I found a Tibetan meditation class in lieu of my daily morning meditation. It meets once a week. My yoga practice wasn’t even on my mat anymore. It was all over the place. Just like my mind.

When did I notice? This morning. Two weeks later. What a spiral.

Bad Yogi? Really?

And this is where the monkey mind kicks back with a banana daiquiri and watches his work—completely ignoring that anything I’ve done at this point required lots of practice. It doesn’t mean I’m a failure, but the drunken monkey mind lounging in the hammock tells me exactly that. Sometimes the jerk will attack what kind of person I am—like I’m a terrible human being if I can’t float into a handstand. Really? Bad yogi? Ahem, time for a reality check.

Sober Up

Now that I’m awake, it’s really important to refrain from beating myself up about the last two weeks. Because too many banana daiquiris leave a mean hangover. And I’ve been letting the drunken monkey chatter in my ear for weeks. Pretty sure David Swenson has a monkey in his mind, but his “core” has more to do with mind than abs and back. My core can be there, too. If I balance the banana daiquiris with daily practice. And pay attention to my monkey and my practice.

Peace, Wisdom and an Acorn Hat

Darren Main — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 14:50:31 +0000

Oakland Tribune Video Features Yoga on the Labyrinth

Darren Main — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 14:51:55 +0000

The Oakland Tribune has produced a beautiful short video about Yoga on the Labyrinth by filmmaker Nick Moone

LEARN MORE

Hindus Honor Julia Roberts

Darren Main — Fri, 20 Apr 2012 23:31:30 +0000

Hindus have decided to honor Oscar winner Hollywood star Julia Roberts (Pretty Woman) for her unwavering devotion to Hinduism and her endorsing Hinduism in a way no Hollywood celebrity seems to have done in the past.

It was nearly two years ago she confessed of being a “practicing Hindu”, and she seems to be sticking to it devotedly. She finds India “spiritually healing” and her visit to India in the past was “a spiritually enlightening experience” for her.

According to recent reports in Indian media, she is planning to buy a house in India near one of Hinduism’s holy cities, thus becoming first Hollywood star to do so. “I would love to live near Haridwar or Varanasi, since they are such holy spots for Hinduism”, she was quoted as saying.

In her recent interviews to Indian media, she was quoted as saying: “I’ve received real spiritual satisfaction through Hinduism and I’m a practising Hindu” and “…ever since I’ve started practicing, the festivals (especially Diwali) attract me a lot too”.

Roberts also stated in these reports that she shared a common aspect of finding peace and tranquility of mind in Hinduism similar to Patsy of The Razor’s Edge by Somerset Maugham. “I would love to return to this sacred land again and visit some key pilgrimage spots, like Haridwar or Puri”, she added while talking about India.

Welcoming her continued devotion to Hinduism, Hindu statesman Rajan Zed, in a statement in Nevada (USA) today, said that she would be honored in a Hindu temple in traditional Hindu manner near her California home and he would try to contact her staff in the near future in this regard.

Zed, who is President of Universal Society of Hinduism, urged other Hollywood stars also to take time out of their stressful lives to explore Hinduism and pointed out that they would appreciate rich, diverse and long tradition of Hindu philosophy; and its interpretation of the nature of reality.

Rajan Zed suggested Roberts to realize the Self. Ancient Hindu scripture Katha Upanishad points out that when wise realize the Self, they go beyond sorrow. Self is supreme and those who meditate on Self are freed from the cycle of birth and death. When one realizes Self, there is nothing else to be known, Zed quotes the scripture.

Roberts, who grew up with a Catholic mother and Baptist father, revealed for the first time in September 2010 issue of women’s fashion magazine Elle that she was “definitely a practicing Hindu”. She later revealed on ABC that she became interested in Hinduism after seeing a picture of Hanuman devotee Hindu guru Neem Karoli Baba, who died in 1973.

According to reports, Roberts has been interested in yoga for quite some time. She was in Haryana (India) in September 2009 to shoot “Eat, Pray, Love” in an ashram (retreat). In January 2009, she sported a “bindi” (vermillion mark on forehead) during her trip to India when she also visited Taj Mahal with husband Danny Moder. She has a production company called “Red Om Films”, and “Om” in Hinduism is the mystical syllable containing the universe.

Julia Fiona Roberts, 44, one of the most successful Hollywood actresses besides a producer and fashion model, has won best actress Oscar for “Erin Brockovich” and earned Oscar nominations for “Pretty Woman” and “Steel Magnolias”.

Hinduism, oldest and third largest religion of the world, has about one billion adherents and moksh (liberation) is its ultimate goal.

Hot Sauce, Solar Panels and Yoga Studios???

Darren Main — Thu, 19 Apr 2012 00:59:33 +0000

From the LA Times

Smartphones, burgers and oil wells may be big moneymakers, but they can’t compete when it comes to speed of expansion. The fastest-growing industries in the U.S. actually involve 3-D printers, solar panels, self-tanning products, Pilates and yogastudios and hot sauce.

So says a new report from research group IBISWorld, which measured industries based on their contributions to the economy, revenue growth and expected future performance.

In a season of rising gas prices, consumers and businesses are increasingly feeling the strain of dependence on fossil fuel. That’s why, according to IBISWorld, so-called “green” industries are doing so well.

Solar panel makers such as SunPower Inc. have seen revenue grow an average of 3.3% a year from 2002 to 2012, due in large part to substantial government subsidies and falling silicon prices, which have allowed more competition with cheaper foreign panels.

Solar panel sales are expected to grow 9.4% this year and then 8.2% each year in the future, according to IBISWorld.

Eco-friendly, sustainable construction companies are also on a tear, with annual revenue increases of 28.9% since 2002 and an 18.3% boost expected this year. Governments have begun implementing more building codes that mandate energy-efficient designs; building owners are finding that green certification earns their structures more acclaim.

The industry is expected to grow 22.8% a year going forward, eventually making nearly $287.8 billion in revenue by 2017.

Growing consumer concern over health has heralded the rise of self-tanning product makers and yoga and Pilates studios.

Worries about UV ray exposure and skin cancer have frightened some clients away from tanning beds, helping companies that promise a more natural glow boost revenue about 22.7% a year. A burgeoning focus on fitness – which has also recently advanced the fortunes of programs such asP90X and CrossFit – has helped yoga and Pilates establishment resist the recession and grow 12.1% annually.

Technological advances also played heavily on IBISWorld’s list. The presence of more retailers online – many now armed with virtual dressing rooms and “try-on” systems – enhanced Web sales of eyeglasses and contacts 28.2% a year on average. Major players include Walgreen Co. and 1-800-Contacts.com.

And as consumers find more uses for 3-D printers – They make planes! They make food! They make toys for Jay Leno! – the industry is expected to grow 20.3% this year. By 2017, revenue is expected to double to nearly $3.3 billion.

Several other industries are also outpacing the general economy. But our personal favorite is really spicing things up. As international influences creep into American cooking, ethnic supermarkets expand into more neighborhoods and foodies scramble for ever-more exotic tastes, hot sauce salesare smoking. Revenue in 2012 is expected to come in at just under $1.1 billion – by 2017, it’ll be $1.3 billion, according to IBISWorld.

Narcissus & Onions

Darren Main — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 06:56:00 +0000

This week I gave Bob a big bowl full of narcissus bulbs to take to his office at the Fenn School. It would be cheery, I thought, for him to have some flowers in February.

In less than two hours after he had placed the bowl on the window side table, five eighth grade boys had stop by to ask him a math or scheduling question. Each on had noticed the bowl. And each one in remarkably similar phraseology, had asked him, “Why are you growing those onions in a bowl of rocks?”

Now I love a good laugh when I hear one—and that one is funny. But I also know that there are times— perhaps even extended periods of month or years – when we look over at what life has give us and see not narcissus bulbs, ready to emerge in all loveliness, but a bunch of unsightly onions in a bowl full of rocks.

If that is where you are, or where someone you love is, I want you to know that all beauty takes time to emerge. All loveliness needs darkness to become formed. All deep roots need rocky terrain to become so firmly established that what they support cannot be toppled. And all of us have times in our lives when it doesn’t matter WHO tells us that we are looking at narcissus bulbs: all we can see, or even meant to see, are those funny looking onions growing in a bowl of rocks.

To live in faith is to believe, even when you cannot justify it, that you are loved, that you are forming anew, and that beauty and right relationship will come forth—like the greening of rock—bound narcissus bulbs—as time goes by. Hang on, keep forming, and oh, by the way, try to have a laugh or two along the way.

—The Rev. Lucinda S. Duncan

Ma Jaya’s Passing

Darren Main — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 20:18:33 +0000

Back in February I reported on this blog that Ma Jaya was in need of prayers as she battled cancer. Sadly, those prayers were not enough. Her ashram posted this note:

We share with you the sad news that our dear Ma Jaya left her body Friday evening, 4.13.2012. See photos of her departure from Kashi. Please join us May 26 for Ma Jaya’s Mahasamadhi and Birthday Celebration when we will put her ashes in the Ganga.

Please keep her family and followers in your prayers.