My long awaited fourth book, Hearts and Minds: Talking to Christians about Homosexuality is finally available and arriving in bookstores across the country and around the world this week. I’m very excited for this book because I believe that healing the relationship between the gay and Christian communities is the next great frontier in the quest for civil rights. Whether you are gay or straight, Christian or Non-Christian, I hope you will read this book so that you can help invite conservative Christians to open their hearts and minds.
The new movie MILK by Gus Van Sant about the life of gay rights leader Harvey Milk is scheduled to hit theaters in November. It features an all star cast headed up by Sean Penn. The trailer for the movie has been released by Focus Films. Take a look:
I can’t believe how fast three weeks has flown by. As always, India has filled my heart. I have laughed and cried, been inspired and horrified. I have felt touched by the warmth of the people here and shocked by things that we simply don’t see in the West.
I find myself having a great mix of emotions right now. On the one hand I can’t wait to be home. I miss my friends, my bed, salads, fast internet access and talking to my niece. Yet I also feel a sadness in leaving. Although these people challenge me, they also force me to grow and learn. They teach me that you don’t need wealth to be generous, that you don’t need an easy life to smile and that spirituality is something that can and should be at the heart of every aspect of life.
In the past, the 12-hour time difference makes my return home challenging, but this time I feel that the cultural difference will be more difficult. The good news is that I’m already planning my next Indian adventure for November 2009, which will help to ease my cultural jet lag—assuming I survive the 20-hour flight! (Everyone say a quick prayer that I get upgraded to business class!)
When the summer weather hits the USA, we shed our clothes. Tank tops, shorts, swimming trunks and bikinis are commonplace. Here in India, the weather can make an American heat wave feel like a nap under a shady tree. Yet in spite of the heat, modesty is held in very high regard.
Women are always completely covered. With the exception of music videos and some of the more liberal elements of the big cities, women would never dress in a way that reveals a shoulder or collarbone let alone cleavage. Men never wear shorts and frequently wear long sleeve shirts too.
And then there is me sporting shorts and a tank top and sweating buckets anyway. In fact, many people approach me and ask if I’m a Hollywood star. (Believe it or not, I don’t get that very often at home). I tell them no, but that Brad Pitt is my twin brother. (Just kidding Brad. . . )
For the record, I’m a big fan of nude beaches. I have never been shy or embarrassed about being naked, but when I’m in a more modest country, I do try to respect that. So last year when I was in Rishikesh I decided to bathe in the river with the locals. Not having any swimming trunks in my daypack I decided to buy some cheep orange shorts from a street vender.
Although the shorts said Reeboks down the side, they were clearly cheep knock offs, but for 50 cents, I wasn’t too concerned. I found a place to change in to the shorts and then went down to the ghats to bathe and meditate.
After a few hours, I packed up my stuff and headed back to the hotel. The walk as about two miles, and given the heat, I decided to stay in my wet “Reeboks”. This would turn out to be a very big mistake.
As I walked along, I began to feel an uncomfortable chafing on my inner thighs, but since there was nowhere to change, I decided to simply deal with the discomfort. I also noticed people smiling at me and pointing. This is not uncommon for a white guy in India especially in a small village, so I didn’t think much of it.
By the time I had reached my hotel room, my chafing had become really uncomfortable. I couldn’t wait to get out of my wet shorts and into something dry. When I stood in front of the mirror, however, I discovered something far worse than a little rash. My cheep shorts had split at the seam all the way from the back to the front. All was exposed—I mean really exposed, hanging out for the whole world to see.
I was mortified, but then I realized something. The people on the street did not scorn me. Sure they must have thought it an odd site, but they never reacted in a way that was mean-spirited.
Besides, In spite of their modesty, some Indian’s do find occasions in which to expose them selves. Take for instance the bathroom situation. Many men will think nothing of standing on the side of the road, exposing their bits and urinating in the gutter. When you got to go, I guess. I guess it is OK as long as no one sees his shoulder.
You will also see Jains and other spiritual seekers who will walk the streets naked for spiritual reasons. The other day I visited a Jain temple. The nice man greeting me at the door wanted to show me photos of prominent Jain leaders. I was expecting photos of holy men in robes, but all of them were standing there naked. I sort of felt the educate coach from the movie Borat. My favorite photo was the one of the Jain leader who was meeting with His Holiness the Dali Lama. Unfortunately that one was not for sale because I think it would be a great conversation starter at a house party.
Massage is another area in which modesty is put aside. When you go for an Ayurvedic massage, you will be instructed to disrobe and lay on the table. There is no sheet to cover yourself with and the therapist says in the room to watch you strip down—and I do mean watches you. There is nothing at all sexual about the massage, but no nook or cranny is left out. Unless you specially ask them not to massage certain areas, you can expect a FULL body massage. Like I said, there is nothing erotic about it, but it does become clear that unlike Western culture, Indians don’t view any area of the body as dirty or bad.
This, in my view, is a much more healthy approach to the body, but it is certainly hard to square with the modesty in every other aspect of Indian culture. Maybe next time I go in the river I will just tell everyone I’m a Jain and I can save myself 50 cents.
It would be impossible to overstate the importance of Varanasi to Hindus. It is the oldest continuously inhabited city in the world and it is situated on the banks of the Ganges River. Like many cities in India, it is known by many names—Banaras is also a very common name. Although Hindus consider the entire river holy, the water in Varanasi is considered especially purifying because it flows from south to north here. The rest of the river flows north to south.
To die here is to go straight to heaven as all of you past karma is believed to be washed away. And to have your body cremated on banks of the river is considered to be a special blessing. One of the most magical things to do while here is to take flat boat up the river at sunrise or sunset. This enables you to see millions of Hindus and yogis praying and making offerings (puja) to the river and even to visit the burning ghat where deceased Hindus are being cremated at the rivers edge. Like all of India, Varanasi is s city of many contradictions. On the one had it is a city of great beauty with its many devotees, exotic shops and ancient temples. On the other hand it is one of the most polluted places on earth. This is in part because of the age of the city, which was simply not designed to accommodate the shear numbers of people. The river takes the brunt of the pollution because it acts as the center of life here. It is where people bathe, get water for cooking and drinking and as s sewer system. In fact, while the locals seem to do just fine taking a dip in the water or drinking from it, the Westerners need to be very careful as the river is septic and far to polluted for swimming let alone drinking according to the E.P.A.
Still, in spite of the issues here, it is an amazing city and very holy. As a Yogi, it has been home to many great yoga masters over the years and even those who did not live here, certainly visited. On a very personal level, I have long considered Paramahansa Yogananda a guru and the city of Varanasi provides the backdrop for much of his classic book, “Autobiography of a Yogi” as it was the home of his Guru’s Guru, Lahiri Mahasaya.
It took us six hours, but we finally arrive in Bodh Gia, a very small town that serves as a pilgrimage site for Buddhists. Like Christianity, there are many branches of Buddhism, each with a different flavor and focus. Tibetan Buddhism for example, has an elaborate system of deities akin to Hinduism. Japanese Buddhism on the other hand is very basic.
Aside from their many differences, all Buddhists seem to get along and nowhere is this more apparent than Bodh Gia. All Buddhist honor five key places in the life of the Buddha. The location of his birth, the location where he first preached, the location of his death at age 80 and Bodh Gai where he sat under the Bodhi Tree and became enlightened.
Different sects of Buddhism dress with different colors. Buddhists from Sri Lanka wear white, In Thailand they where orange or brown and in Tibet they where red. The result in Bodh Gia is melting pot of colored robes flowing through the streets and visiting the various temples.
In addition, each major Buddhist country has built a temple there, so within a few blocks you can take a virtual tour of each sect of Buddhism. Most impressive, however is the temple at the center of town, which sits in front of the Bobdhi Tree. Last night, after my arrival, I walked around and toured many of the temples and then made my way to the Bodhi Tree where I sat for an hour or so. I’m not sure if there really is something magical about this spot or if the energy of millions of Buddhist monks coming here each year is what gives this tree its power, but the slipping in to deep meditation was effortless.
This morning, after a good nights rest, I walked from my hotel to the main temple where I sat with a group of Sri Lankan nuns in meditation. Deeper inside the temple were some Thai monks who were chanting which only added to the experience.
I was about seventeen when I read Tina Turner’s autobiography, “I, Tina”. In it she talks about finding Buddhism and how it helped her to leave Ike, her abusive husband. I was so impressed that I looked into the religion for myself and Buddhist Meditation has been a major part of my spirituality ever since.
For twenty years I have dreamed of sitting under the Bodhi Tree. Some dreams can be a let-down once they are fulfilled, but the experience of sitting under the same tree (actually a descendant of the original tree) as Siddhartha Gautama, in the company of so many other seekers far surpassed my expectations.
Yesterday I spent the afternoon in Sarnath, a small town about ten kilometers north of Varanasi. Sarnath is a very holy site in Buddhism because it is where Gautama the Buddha traveled to after his enlightenment beneath the Bodhi Tree.
It was in Sarnath that the Buddha gave his first sermon, outlined The Four Noble Truths and The Eight Fold Path, which make up the crux of all Buddhist philosophy and practice. To meditate in the temple there was amazing as the ancient Stupa (Buddhist “church”) just a few meters away contained some of the remains of the ancient master who lived more than 500 Years before Jesus.
Today, I’m venturing East to the Holy city of Bodh Gaya where Gautama sat under the Bodhi Tree. I was not looking forward to the drive at first, but it has turned out to be one of the highlights of my trip so far. The weather is damp and cool and there are rice paddies a far as the eye can see on both sides of the road.
What is really amazing is seeing the tiny villages with barefoot children running up to the car to see the strange white man, and the occasional rice farmer who is driving a plow pulled by water buffalo. There are simply no words to describe the simplicity of where I am right now.
Growing up, my father owned a farm, so I’m no stranger to the slow paced life that living on the land inspires, but these people, in spite of the hard work that defines their lives, have a peace in their eyes that I have never seen in the west. I’m only half way to Bodh Gaya and I’ve already found enlightenment—at least a more enlightened way of being. I only wish my father was willing to travel more so he could share this with me. I have a feeling this would be Nirvana for him too.
When I first started coming to India, I was shocked by many things—the poverty, the begging, the class systems that keep so many people in social and economic bondage. But the thing that offended my western mind the most was the prevalence of swastikas all over India.
In the west, the swastika is symbol of the worst aspects of humanity. Violence, genocide, oppression and just about all things evil are embodied in this symbol. To display a swastika is to say associate yourself with anti-Semitism, neo-Nazism and many other forms of hatred. Yet here, swastikas are displayed on virtually every temple. Statues of Ganish and Vishnu are often adorned with them and many rickshaw and cab drivers will paint one on their dashboards where a Christian might put a statue of Jesus or Mary for protection.
The swastika means something quiet different to Hindus, however. It is the symbol of Vishnu, the part of the Hindu Trinity known as the “sustainer”. It also is the symbol for “shanti” or “peace”. Thus, the Nazis took a symbol for abundance and peace and reversed it. Whether they did this on purpose or on accident, I’m not sure, but seeing this symbol displayed has been work form me.
When I have guest visit me in San Francisco, they almost always ask me what the difference is between a drag queen and a transgender person. It is an understandable question for someone not living in a very liberal city where members of the queer community, including- transgender people, can express themselves openly and freely without the fear of constant torment. [someone in drag is just dressing as a member of the opposite sex for fun and self expression where as a transgender person feels, on a very deep level that they are a gender other than what seems biologically apparent]
Here in India, being gay, lesbian or transgender is still illegal. And while things are slowly beginning to improve for gay and lesbian people, the transgender community is very underground even in large cities such as Delhi.
It is also much easier for gay men and lesbians to blend in given the affection that same-sex friends openly show each other. In fact for gay or lesbian travelers, we can feel a bit confused because of all the handholding and hugging among friends. But while things may be confusing for western travelers who are accustomed to seeing same sex partners back home, it does provide a basic level of anonymity for gay and lesbian people to express themselves. For the trans community, however, there is no way to hide who you are. A “man” in a sari stands out or a “woman” wearing men’s clothing or wearing short hair will certainly attract a lot of attention. (And not the kind of attention that makes you feel safe.) Thus, to be true to yourself as a transgender person takes extraordinary courage.
That is why I was stopped dead in my tracks this evening as I was walked along the river and came upon three trans-women (aka MTF or male-to-female). A MTF friend of mine once told me that, “In a world full of caterpillars, it takes guts to be a butterfly!” and that is exactly what this India trans-women are. Their blue, pink and orange saris were an outward manifestation of their inward strength, beauty and courage. For a person with a male body to live openly as a woman without any sign of shame—without out shrinking from the world is a beautiful and holy thing in any country, but here in India it is particularly inspiring.
Every day, I look for my guru (teacher). Sometimes that teacher takes the form of a child, a homeless person, a bus driver or a waitress. Other times my teacher for the day will take on a more formal spiritual teaching role. Frequently, however, they don’t even know they are my teacher. Today, these three trans-women are my teachers because I hope that someday I will be able to find that same level of strength and beauty within myself regardless of the odds stacked against me.
No doubt they have not had an easy life being born an MTF in India at this time, but for today at least, they inspired me to keep seeking the courage to go into my own cocoon.
My long awaited fourth book, Hearts and Minds: Talking to Christians about Homosexuality is finally available and arriving in bookstores across the country and around the world this week. I’m very excited for this book because I believe that healing the relationship between the gay and Christian communities is the next great frontier in the quest for civil rights. Whether you are gay or straight, Christian or Non-Christian, I hope you will read this book so that you can help invite conservative Christians to open their hearts and minds.
I can’t believe how fast three weeks has flown by. As always, India has filled my heart. I have laughed and cried, been inspired and horrified. I have felt touched by the warmth of the people here and shocked by things that we simply don’t see in the West.
to smile and that spirituality is something that can and should be at the heart of every aspect of life.
When the summer weather hits the USA, we shed our clothes. Tank tops, shorts, swimming trunks and bikinis are commonplace. Here in India, the weather can make an American heat wave feel like a nap under a shady tree. Yet in spite of the heat, modesty is held in very high regard.
It would be impossible to overstate the importance of Varanasi to Hindus. It is the oldest continuously inhabited city in the world and it is situated on the banks of the Ganges River. Like many cities in India, it is known by many names—Banaras is also a very common name. Although Hindus consider the entire river holy, the water in Varanasi is considered especially purifying because it flows from south to north here. The rest of the river flows north to south.
Like all of India, Varanasi is s city of many contradictions. On the one had it is a city of great beauty with its many devotees, exotic shops and ancient temples. On the other hand it is one of the most polluted places on earth. This is in part because of the age of the city, which was simply not designed to accommodate the shear numbers of people. The river takes the brunt of the pollution because it acts as the center of life here. It is where people bathe, get water for cooking and drinking and as s sewer system. In fact, while the locals seem to do just fine taking a dip in the water or drinking from it, the Westerners need to be very careful as the river is septic and far to polluted for swimming let alone drinking according to the E.P.A.
It took us six hours, but we finally arrive in Bodh Gia, a very small town that serves as a pilgrimage site for Buddhists. Like Christianity, there are many branches of Buddhism, each with a different flavor and focus. Tibetan Buddhism for example, has an elaborate system of deities akin to Hinduism. Japanese Buddhism on the other hand is very basic.
Last night, after my arrival, I walked around and toured many of the temples and then made my way to the Bodhi Tree where I sat for an hour or so. I’m not sure if there really is something magical about this spot or if the energy of millions of Buddhist monks coming here each year is what gives this tree its power, but the slipping in to deep meditation was effortless.
Yesterday I spent the afternoon in Sarnath, a small town about ten kilometers north of Varanasi. Sarnath is a very holy site in Buddhism because it is where Gautama the Buddha traveled to after his enlightenment beneath the Bodhi Tree.
under the Bodhi Tree. I was not looking forward to the drive at first, but it has turned out to be one of the highlights of my trip so far. The weather is damp and cool and there are rice paddies a far as the eye can see on both sides of the road.
When I have guest visit me in San Francisco, they almost always ask me what the difference is between a drag queen and a transgender person. It is an understandable question for someone not living in a very liberal city where members of the queer community, including- transgender people, can express themselves openly and freely without the fear of constant torment. [someone in drag is just dressing as a member of the opposite sex for fun and self expression where as a transgender person feels, on a very deep level that they are a gender other than what seems biologically apparent]
For the trans community, however, there is no way to hide who you are. A “man” in a sari stands out or a “woman” wearing men’s clothing or wearing short hair will certainly attract a lot of attention. (And not the kind of attention that makes you feel safe.) Thus, to be true to yourself as a transgender person takes extraordinary courage.
